Yami and the so called 'Modern Technology'
by MysticDragon1691
Summary: Yami has some funny runins with some modern technology and among other stuff that an ancient Pharaoh might encounter! 1st chp. The Toaster.
1. THE Toaster

-Rating: PG

-Summary: Yami Yugi has some problems with modern technology and other stuff. Random funny story I thought up at 6 in the morning that I had to write. 1st chp: The Toaster!

-Disclaimer: I still don't own Yugioh.

-Yes this is my new and improved version of Yami's Guide to the 21st Century. They took it off so now I have fixed it and hopefully you all still like it! And I thank those who reviewed my earlier version of this one!

**Yami and the so called 'modern technology'**

By: Raven/MysticDragon1691

Chapter 1: THE Toaster...dun dun dun!

"Yugi? Yugi! I'm hungry and I want a piece of toast." yelled an impatient hungry Yami to his hikari.

"Get out a piece of toast and put it in the toaster!" yelled Yugi back to his dark half as he attempted to get his pants on as he bounded down the stairs to help his dark so he wouldn't burn down the house.

"Where's the toast?" Yami asked.

"In the bread box." said Yugi coming into the kitchen.

"Where's that?" asked Yami searching through the refrigerater.

"Yami, that is the refrigerator and hopefully the bread box is not in there." Yugi said walking to the other side of the kitchen and opening a box which had on the top 'Bread Box' in bold print and got a piece of bread out. "See it's right here!" Yugi walked over to Yami and handed him the bread.

"Ok...but its not toasted." Yami said staring at the untoasted bread Yugi usually made him before Yugi went to school.

"You still have to put it in the toaster!" instructed Yugi motioning towards the shiny silver box with 4 slots on top and two levers in front on the counter in front of Yami. Yugi left Yami's side and went to the refrigerator to get some milk.

Yami stared at it, cautiously moving closer, you can never be to sure about these things. Yami then put the bread in the top and waited.

Still waiting.

Yugi poured some milk into his bowl of cereal and still didn't notice Yami staring at the toaster anxiously awaiting his warm crispy piece of toast.

And yet...still waiting.

Yugi turned around and looked at Yami. "What are you doing, Yami?" Yugi asked.

"Waiting for my toast to get done." Yami stated as he stared at the toaster.

"Did you push the button down?" asked Yugi.

"What button?" Yami asked looking at Yugi with an I'm-lost-please-help-me-I'm-hungry look on his face.

"You have to push down one of the buttons on the front." Yugi said spooning more cereal into his mouth.

"Oh..." Yami did as Yugi instructed and waited again still getting more hungry.

A few minutes later it started smoking, slowly at first then started pouring out of the top of the toaster.

"Um Yugi...is it supposed to be doing that?" Yami asked.

Yugi whipped around in his chair when he finally smelled the smoke. "Yami? What did you do?" Yugi's amythist eyes grew larger seeing all the smoke.

"What you told me to do." Stated Yami crossing his arms.

Just then the toaster burst into flames!

"Ahh!" Yugi yelled as he ran to get the fire extinguisher. Yami just stood there with a suprised/terrified look on his face with his mouth hanging open staring at the toaster which had just burst into flames. He forgot how hungry he was and finally got the idea to get a towel, which he did, and tried to stiffel the flames but that only resulted in catching the towel on fire.

"Where in Ra's name did Yugi go?" Yami said under his breath now trying to get the fire out on the towel now. Then the toaster exploded which in turn caught Yami's black leather pants on fire. Yami didn't notice so he kept on shaking the towel and wacking it on the toaster still not putting the fire out. "My pants feel extrememly warm...hmm...and why do I smell more smoke?" He looked down and saw his pants on fire. His deep amythist eyes grew extremely large.

"Ah! FIRE!" Yami dropped the towel, which was still on fire, and ran off around the dinning room attempting to put the fire out. "Ahh! Ah! Ahhhhh!"

Yugi returned then and ran to the toaster and put it out along with the towel on the floor. "Where is Yami? He started this why did he leave?" He then heard Yami yelling something and saw him run back in the kitchen. His mouth dropped open when he saw Yami with his arms flailing in the air frantically as if that was going to help put the fire out. Yugi ran after him around the table attempting to put the fire out.

Bakura and Ryou walked in at that moment and stared at the seen of Yami running around the kitchen table with arms flailing in the air with Yugi running after him attempting to put out the fire on Yami's pants.

"Bloody hell!" said Ryou. "What should we do?"

"What in bloody Ra's name is he doing! Doesn't that baka Pharaoh know anything?" said Bakura resisting the urge to laugh at the Pharaoh but failing in the process.

"Yaaaammmiiii! Sttttooooopppp!" Yugi yelled to Yami to get him to stand still for a few seconds.

Yami heard Yugi and stopped running but then started hopping up and down while looking like a hyper child at Christmas.

"Ok thank you!" Yugi said as he put out the fire on Yami's pants with the fire extinguisher. Yami sighed and sunk to the floor in relief.

"Are you both alright?" asked Ryou coming over to Yugi. " The front door was open and we smelled smoke so we came in to check on you."

"Yeah thanks Ryou." Yugi said. "But it looks like Yami won't be cooking anytime soon."

"'We', you mean you brought that thief too?" Yami asked standing up looking over the table at Bakura who was doubled over from laughing so hard.

"Yes. I'm sorry don't mind him." Ryou said appologetically.

"That has to be the funniest thing I have seen this month. Pharaoh you are halarious." said Bakura still laughing at the pictures of the former usually not so crazy Pharaoh running around hands flailing in the air with his pants on fire.

"Shut up Tozokuoh! I was just trying to fix some toast. I'm sure you had trouble with this thing too." Yami said in his defence.

"Yeah well I was not the one running around the room flailing my hands in the air like an idiot. And I also don't have holes in my pants from the fire." Tozokuoh Bakura said.

"Bakura! I outta..." Yami scoweled at Bakura.

"You'll what? Send me to the shadow relm?...kill me." Bakura taunted then became more serious. "You cannot kill me for I am the shadows and the shadows never die." said Bakura saying one of his signature sentences. "And also our Millenium Items have the same power so with a shadow game it would just end in a stalemate." Bakura said tempting Yami to try something.

/Yami just walk away. You know how Bakura is and besides I already have to clean the kitchen I don't want to have to clean anything else up./ Yugi said through his mind link to Yami.

Yami just glared at Bakura and walked off to change his pants.

Bakura was about to comment on the Pharaoh walking away but stopped when his hikari warned him not too. Yugi decided to not get involved and started cleaning the kitchen.

...to be continued. Next random thing in chapter 2

(a/n: Poor Pharaoh...I know I changed it but I had to so they would not take it off again. Sorry to all of those who read my last version of this and don't like this one but they took it off, sadly because somehow I broke the guidelines, but now here is the new one. Its probably going to turn out to be a drabble/story thing...mostly random stuff...so review so I can know whether or not to continue...and if you have any funny ideas I sure would appreciate it. I already got a few that I will use so more ideas would be great! Review Please! ja ne!)

-Rae


	2. What! Its just TAG Body Spray!

**Yami living with the so called 'modern technology'  
**by: Raven

-Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or the TAG body spray or Cookie Crisp...but the idea for this story is mine the TAG idea was from **Perfect Girl**

-Yay another chapter! woot woot! anywho thanks to **Perfect Girl **for this idea of the TAG body spray! I hope you find this funny!

-Warnings: some characters may be OOC.

**Chapter 2: What! It's just TAG body spray!**

Yami got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist and walked to Yugi's room to get his clothes for the day.

He walked in Yugi's room to find Yugi wasn't there. "I guess he left already..." Yami said to himself. They were supposed to go to the mall today and look at the new duel monsters cards to see if any could fit in their deck. He looked over on Yugi's dresser and saw some TAG body spray just sitting there. "Hm I wonder what this is?" Yami asked himself as he went over and smelled the bottle then read the instructions he then saw a note from Yugi that read,_ 'Yami here is some new body spray. I have gone to the mall with Anzu already so just come when you're ready. -Yugi P.S. Don't touch the new toaster!' _Yami rolled his eyes at the p.s. part of the note then smelled his new body spray again "This stuff smells good. How much does one use?" Yami sprayed the stuff on him. The spray came out faster then he expected and he was practically covered in it. Yami coughed. He waved the fog out of his face and he walked away to find fresh air so he wouldn't gag from the lack of oxygen.

Yami then walked to the closet and picked out his black sleeveless shirt, his black leather pants, some arm bands, and his belt and dueling belts. It took him a few minutes to get dressed then he went to the kitchen and got some milk and decided to have cereal. He finally learned what a refrigerator was. He decided against toast because of the last experience with the "Ra damned toaster from hell", as Yami usually refered to it as, and he didn't want that to happen again. He chose one of his favorite cereals, Cookie Crisp. Yugi tried to tell him that they aren't really the best for him but Yami didn't care, they tasted like chocolate. He finished eating then noticed the clock on the wall said it was almost 12 so he hurriedly finished getting ready then left for the mall.

He arrived at the mall and saw Yugi and Anzu just standing and talking next to a fountain. He headed over to them.

Anzu noticed him walking over. She smiled and waved. "Hey Yami, are you ready for some shopping?" Yami smiled weakly, he really wasn't interested in shopping. And he knew about Anzu's shopping spree's...they weren't very often but when she did get the urge to shop she usually stayed at the mall all day long. And he was usually stuck carrying the bags with Yugi. Joey and Tristan usually 'conviniently' had something to do.

"Hey Yami," said Yugi turning to look when Anzu noticed him.

"So where are we going?" asked Anzu.

"There's a new game shop and I er...we wanted to check it out." said Yugi motioning to Yami as they started walking.

"But doesn't your grandpa own a game shop?" Anzu asked.

"Yeah but I wanted to check out the games anyways. And check out what kind of competition were up against." Yugi said.

Anzu nodded and they walked in silence until they arrived at the game shop. They place wasn't very crowded but there was just enough that they had to squeeze through some of the isles. Anzu was usually walked next to Yugi and not Yugi but one particular isle they had to litterally squeeze down and she had to walk close to Yami. Just then some random small child ran through them and knocked Anzu onto Yami.

"Anzu are you alright?" asked Yami catching Anzu in his arms so she wouldn't fall on her face or on any boxes.

"Oh." Anzu said. "I'm sorry, Yami" Anzu took a deep breath and stood up. "Mmm...what is that smell? Must...find...smell!" She started smelling the air around her. Yami eyed her curiously as he took a step back away from her.

"Anzu what are you doing? Are you sure your alright?" Yami asked. Yugi noticed her strange behavior.

"Are you ok, Anzu?" Yugi asked.

Anzu took another deep breath trying to locate where the smell came from. She then stopped.

"Hm...when did I first smell that wonderful smell? ...oh right...it was when I was next to Yami so it has to be neer where Yami was standing!" Anzu concluded thinking out loud. She stepped over to where Yami had been and smelled around there for a moment. "Where did it go? ...No! I have lost the smell!"

Yugi raised his eyebrows at his childhood friend who usually didn't act like this.

"I know!" Anzu said as she grabbed Yugi's shirt and started smelling him. "Hmm...no, no it wasn't you...but you do smell good though. Have you been eating pepermints?" She let go of Yugi and smelled the air once more. Yugi leaned back.

Yami was becoming afraid of Anzu. "Yugi you've known her longer. Does she do this often?" Yugi shook his head.

"Ah Ha! I know where it is! I have discovered the source of The Smell!" Anzu declaired as she briskly walked over to Yami and grabbed the collar of his shirt and smelled him. "It is you! I was right!"

"Yugi. Help! She looks like she's going to eat me!" Yami pleaded with his hikari. Anzu now had Yami's arm in a death lock and was smelling up and down the front of his shirt while nuzzling him.

"Yami...what did you wear today?" Yugi asked.

"That new stuff you bought me that was sitting on the dresser." Yami said trying to pry off Anzu. "Although I think I put to much on."

"Yami...smell...gooooood!" Anzu said practically purring as she smelled his shirt.

Yugi rolled his eyes as he went over to Anzu and also tryed to get her unattached to Yami's arm. "Well Yami, it looks like there wont be anymore TAG Body Spray for you!" Yugi finally got Anzu off of Yami. "Yami! Run before more girls find you!"

Yami nodded vigorously and took off running not noticing that he had a pack of duel mosters cards in his hand. As he ran out the door of the store he ran into three more teenage girls. He appologized and kept running. He then realized that they had started chasing him along with Anzu. "_Oh no! I have to get away from these girls. ...wait girls chasing me? This could be a good thing." _Yami thought as he looked behind him and then noticed that the group of four girls that had first started chasing him had now grown to about almost a dozen now. "_...and then again maybe not!" _Yami kept running searching for the exit door.

Yami was becoming tired and entered a large clothing store and decided he could maybe hide for a while. He could hear some of the girls voices as they were searching for him. And amongst the girls he could pick out Anzu's and now Mai's voice as well. _"Oh great what have I gotten myself into? If Mai finds me and then Joey sees her and me I will be dead!" _Yami ducked behind a rack of coats before one of the girls spied him. He then saw the perfume department and decided he could hide behind the desk for a while. So when the girls weren't looking he quickly jumped over the counter behind the perfum collections. Yami took a deep breath and sighed glad to be safe for a moment.

Just then two security guards walked in. One female and one male. They both walked up to a group of girls. "Excuse us did you by any chance see this young man? He was caught on the security cameras shoplifting from a store." The woman held out a photo of Yami running out of the store.

The girls gasped. "Its Him! OMGosh! He's the one who smells good!" All the girls squeeled and started bouncing up and down.

Yami heard the whole thing and his eyes opened wide when he realized he did still have a card pack from the store in his hand. He turned and looked around the opening of the counter space and suddenly sensed someone behind him. He whipped around when he felt them run there hands up the inside of his shirt. When he turned around he saw a short blonde haired chocolate brown eyed girl who was obviously a cashire for the purfume department. "Whoa!" Yami said as he backed away and into plain sight of all the other girls who had gathered around the woman who held the picture and they were staring at his picture. The cashire crawled towards him.

Just then one of the girls near the picture grabbed it and started licking it. Some of the other girls got jealous and then jumped on her and started pulling her hair and beating her up just because she took the picture and licked it. Yami flinched back and gasped when he saw what the girl was licking and then at how the other girls were beating her up for it.

One brown haired girl with glasses in the back of the crowd noticed Yami and yelled. "There he is! Lets get him!" They all quickly forgot about the picture and started out after him again.

Yami hurriedly got up and started running again. He didn't know where he just hoped that he was headed towards a door. He then realized he was headed back towards the game store and decided that since he didn't have time to pay for the cards he would just throw them on the counter and hopefully he wouldn't have to go to the 21st centuries equivilent of a dungion. He then spotted Yugi in front of the store looking for him he then yelled to him.

"Aibou! Aibou! Help! They're still chasing me!" Yami said as he ran up to Yugi and hid behind him. He still had a few seconds before the girls caught up to him. "Oh and here is the cards that I forgot about! Take them back to the store the guards are looking for me...Ahh here they come!" Yami then took off running again and left Yugi standing there speachless as he watched the mob of girls chasing him and the security guards too. Yugi then grabbed the male guard and explained to him what happened. The guard said he would let Yami off the hook if he paid for them. Yugi paid for them and the security guard was satisfied but was wondering where his female partner went.

(with Yami and the girls chasing him)

Yami was still running when he then ran into an elderly lady who was walking in front of him.

"I'm so sorry! Are you alright." Yami asked handing her cane back to her which he knocked away from her by accident.

"Yes you run along now." said the elderly lady waving to him. She watched him run off and then a bunch of young girls came running by her after Yami. She smiled, "I remember the good old days when I was chasing around the guys. Such good days they were." She said to no one then sighed reminicing and started walking again.

Yami finally found an exit and ran out into the parking lot hopeing the girls wouldn't chase him, but they did. Yami kept running and finally reached his house. He ran in and locked the door and closed any open windows. The girls started clawing on the windows and screans trying to enter the house anyway possible.

"This is insane!" Yami said to himself as Grandpa walked up behind Yami.

"What are you doing home so early Yami? And why are all those girls clawing at the windows?" Yugi's hentai grandpa asked as he watched the girls at the window.

"Ah!...oh its just you Grandpa." Yami said startled. "They are chasing me."

"Well why don't you go out there and have a good time. What could a bunch of girls do to you that is so bad?" Grandpa asked nudging Yami on the arm.

"...eat me alive..." said Yami but Grandpa didn't hear him. Yami then went to the phone and called Yugi on the cell phone. Yugi answered.

"Yami? Where are you?" Yugi asked obviously still at the mall.

"At home and they followed me. They wont go away. How do I get them to go away?" asked Yami frantically. "They are clawing at the windows. You have to get them away from me Aibou."

"Um...well I guess you should just go take a shower...that will get rid of the smell. Just don't put any more body spray on." Yugi suggested thinking Yami's predicament was really quite funny but decided to not laugh at the ancient pharaoh.

"Ok." said Yami as he then hung up the phone and went and took a shower leaving the girls to claw at the windows and hoping they wouldn't get in while he was in the shower. Then he would have no way of escape.

Yami had finished his shower and made sure to not use any body spray or body wash that had any strong smell to it. He was walking down the stairs as grandpa opened the door to get the mail forgetting the ravenous girls at the windows who were planing a way into the house to get to Yami.

"Ah! Grandpa don't open the door!" Yami yelled terrified of what all the girls might do to him and what he might do back. But it was to late Grandpa was already out the door to get the mail. He saw Yugi running up the street just as all the girls faught their way through the door immidiately recognizing Yami and rushing towards him. "Aaaaack!" he yelled as he ran up the stairs just as one of the girls grabbed his foot and he fell down on the stairs as the girls jumped on him.

"Wait...there is no smell..." one of the girls said who was straddling Yami's back.

"Your right..." said another girl who had ahold on his leg.

"Where is The Smell, Yami!" asked Anzu who had ahold of Yami's arm.

"Its gone." said Yami. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself from having all the girls on him.

"Aww...I want it back!" said another girl.

"Can you get off me now?" asked Yami. All the girls began getting off of him.

"Yami? Are you under there?" asked Yugi pushing past the girls to get to his other self.

Grandpa walked back in. "Why is everyone leaving? Is the party over?" asked Grandpa as he walked back to his room in back of the shop.

Yami groaned as one girl pushed him into the steps as she got off him. "Anzu you can get off now." _"Go jump on Yugi, he'll be way to excited to have you hanging on to him..."_ thought Yami.

_/I heard that Yami/ _Yugi said through their mind link slightly blushing.

"Ok...but I want the smell back." said Anzu.

"NO!" said Yugi coming up to Yami who was still laying on the steps. Anzu sighed disapointed as she got up. Yami crawled to the top of the steps and sat there still calming himself down.

_/Are you coming? We are going to get a drink in the kitchen./ _said Yugi through his mind link to Yami from the bottom of the stairs with Anzu.

_/I'll be there in a minute./ _Yami said and walked down the hall to the bathroom. _"If that happens again I think I might go crazy having all those girls hanging on me." _thought Yami as he splashed cool water on his face and dried his face with a towl then hid the TAG body spray so maybe he wouldn't use so much next time.

...tbc. coming up next random thing in chapter 3!

A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for the reviews last time. I know that Yami can't be that unknowledgeable about some of our modern technology but this is just a funny story to make you laugh which I hope I have done. If you have ideas please send me some. And thanks again to others who have. I might use them and I might not, it depends if I think I can go anywhere with the idea. So send me some if you have them! So now you all know what you must do...Review! ...ooo that rymes! cool! ...till next time!

-Raven/MysticDragon1691


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